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So apparently a group of people communed somewhere and decided that I would be allowed to dress up like a genuine Vanilla whitey from the 1920s.

Oh, how I obliged them.

I was unsure whether to relax with a cigar or to hike up my trow and go out for a game of Croquet, which was honestly an option at this particular “Four Seasoned” resort, or to manage the whole matter a little more subtly and just be a lot more racist than usual… Kind of a strange idea, considering my skin tone. I decided to embrace my newly found Caucasian side by treading outdoors for a rousing sequence of golf holes.

These sporting events are pathetic. Look at these fools attempt to compete. I kept the mocking howls sewn up within my lips whilst watching them attempt to compete. A putting competition? They were obviously not aware of my rigorous training back home.

I’m not exactly sure what hole this was, because the monotony of draining 20’+ putts had worn my mind to a shiny finish. This was probably one of the two holes where I actually needed to make a second shot.

Of course, this was all a diversion from what really mattered. My handler had traveled to these strange places for several reasons, but the trip itself may not have occurred at all were it not for the fact that it was of the utmost importance that he be there for his sister’s wedding. My brief encounter with her merely reinforced what was implied by his previous chatter, to explain the need for the trip. By means of rumor, I learned that she even allowed for my presence at the wedding, a decree of which I took full advantage by intruding upon the traditional cake-cutting photographs. Here I am upon the groom’s discovery of my intrusion:

Dear lord, how I drank afterwards. I sometimes wish my eyes could close. Even with my sleeping cap on, I couldn’t manage to nestle myself into the arms of Morpheus nearly as easily as some of my compatriots.

For my handler, this marked the end of his vacation, but more adventures would be had.

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C.J. Wilson improved to 10-2 at home. While he will likely not accept a hometown discount, but he’ll listen to what San Diego has to say.How much will Jackson get? He is expected to average between $10-12 million a season. His contract will be in the five year, $50-million plus range.Will the three other AFC West teams get involved? I don’t think so.
This year, there is a new collective bargaining agreement and the sides have talked, but no accord has been reached, and none seems forthcoming.Yes, the short-term issues would seem to be minimal compared to the longer-term effects of such a move. The Eagles ought to be able to beat Arizona without Jackson, who hasn’t been having his best year anyway.
The Seahawks released him within months. End of story—until Friday.Authorities in Spokane, Wash., arrested Ellison and plan to levy a federal arson charge against him following a bizarre incident.
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